I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
