mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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