I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
