i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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