talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
