I got chris browned last night
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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