Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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