why do cheetos always look like penises
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
