I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
