He kissed a someone with a penis
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
