i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
