This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
