I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
