You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I need help removing her.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
