oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
