and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
