I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize