She is in my trunk
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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