woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
