Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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