I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
