is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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