Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
