just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize