You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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