So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
