I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
