How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
