dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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