I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
nutella sex= disaster
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
