Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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