I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
People in love make me want to vomit
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
