Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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