They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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