wanna go halves on a baby?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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