since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
