So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
