she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
