I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
