My cat gives me a boner
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Swine flu is the new snow day.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
