do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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