Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
