I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
