Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
