I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
