I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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