Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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