Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
