OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
the liver wants what the liver wants
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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