I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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