Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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