we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
