Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
