U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
