i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize