Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i will never coherently bang her
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
