He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
