i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
