I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize