Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
