I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
