just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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