OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
