I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
