im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
