Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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