If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
