I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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