I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
